Jesus poured his heart and soul into his disciples. He was with them 24/7 for three years. They still rejected him. He didn’t hold it against them. He forgave them and loved them and used them in the ministry.
Several times in the life of the disciples Jesus would just allow them to experience difficulties to grow their faith. They would row a boat all night. That is hard work especially when the wind is contrary. He’d sleep through a storm and allow them to freak out over water and wind. In my last four years, I could relate to that rowing all night. I have been faithfully teaching the Word of God. The same people come. But it had begun to feel as if I was rowing against a head wind of opposition. I was straining at the oars. It has been dark where my vision was clouded. I have lost my heading and started to seek other ports for safety and peace and rest. My anger has been growing and leaking out all over town as I drive or shop or interact with people locally. My wife and kids notice that I am not normal. My stress is constant and I feel tired. I see my friend as an excellent port of entry with safety and rest just ahead. So I press hard to enter into that port only to find I am blown off course and listing away from what I have intended. I am still rowing and still wondering. The cool thing about that story is in the darkness and without a visual on shore there is one thing and only one thing the disciples can see. It’s Jesus walking in the distance on the water. The Bible says he kind of feigned to walk by but then joined them in the boat. Mark 6:45-51, As they saw Jesus they weren't aware of their condition. But the Bible says they were afraid. When they saw Jesus they assumed he was a ghost. Then Jesus talked with them. His words indicate the condition of their heart. “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.” So they were without cheer. Their joy was gone. Mine too. Then he tells them, “It is I”. They were not aware of the Savior nor were they looking for him they were contending with the wind. Jesus says, “Hey I’m still here.” Then he assures them to not be afraid. Which means they were deathly afraid.
Verse 51 Jesus gets into the boat and something happens in the heart of disciples. The hours of rowing stop. The wind stops blowing. They see Jesus in a new way and are amazed. We need to stop the madness of our flesh and just seek Jesus. What does that look like? Thankfully, because of the coronavirus I have been able to pause the classes and Bible studies. I am seeing things new again. I am so much more thankful to my Savior who is with us. He’s in the boat and we have no need to fear anything.
The section of scripture ends with verse 52 that says two things about the disciples that is most important to understand how they got there in the first place. “They had not understood about the loaves, because their heart was hard.” Jesus is trying to build faith in the life of the disciples. He teaches them about faith constantly and then puts them in situations to train them to trust him for what he says. The Loaves refer to Jesus’ statement in Mark 6:37; “You give them something to eat.” The disciples did not have faith to feed the 5000. They didn’t even have faith to feed themselves. If I as a pastor don’t have faith to feed myself then how can I possibly have faith to feed 5000. If we don't’ trust Jesus’ words and believe them then how can we grow faith? I was feeding my sheep a stale diet of Pastor David Gusik. (Sorry David) God’s command was for the disciples to feed them. Something they received by faith from God they were to impart to the people. If I am not being fed and try to give something from someone else’s meal it’s not straight from the Lord. It can sustain them nutritionally but the growth may be stunted. Milk is actually, first grass and feed eaten by the cow who then processes it internally and turns it into milk. Paul talked about weak Christians who only drink milk and don’t consume the meat of the word. Pastor David already chewed on what others taught him and then I am teaching on his stuff. In a sense I am milking David to feed others. I personally am not processing the milk myself from food given to me by the Lord.
Why do we get into rowing modes and dependency on others and not the Lord? The Bible says it’s because of the hardness of heart. Hardness of heart means a heart that is full of self reliance and or fear so that there’s no room for faith. When we feed ourselves the seeds of faith are planted in our hearts. What’s the soil’s condition? Even if we read the word daily but have no room for seeds of faith then we will not grow and just rely on the self fruits and milk of others. Jesus has given me his plan but I am hard hearted from selfishness and disobedience. So right now I am dealing with the fruits of my flesh being counter productive in my kid’s lives. They hear me preach on Sunday mornings, then, when we go to dinner and on the roads around Japan I’m shouting at other stupid drivers. This is when the wind begins to blow. So I apologize to him but my hardness doesn’t change. I think to myself I should get out of the ministry. I start to fear the ministry. The “What if’s” start to rule in my heart. “What if” I get busted by another pastor? “What if” So-and-so were to find out? “What if I just quit?” I’m the one blowing the winds of opposition about my calling and purpose. As these start to arise I begin rowing a stale church without vision and in darkness of soul. The more I make excuses the more the winds blow contrary to God’s direction. There is no where to go but to look for Jesus. The wind wants to blow me off course or send me back to where I came from. But that is not Jesus’ purpose in my life. He wants to build in me great faith. A faith that is dependent on him daily. Where the hardness of self reliance is thrown overboard. When we came to Japan there was a gigantic wave of faith but that faith somewhere was lost at sea and I began to rely more and more on myself. So It’s easy to “do” a teaching of the Bible. But it’s another thing to have a message that is forged in the fires of self examination, repentance, and prayer. Jesus is still speaking today through his Word and through His creation and also the Holy Spirit. God speaks into the hearts of his disciples. The question is do we listen? Oh yes I listen all the time but because of the hardness of heart they didn’t understand the bread of life. Not understanding the bread of life led to the winds of opposition and striving in ministry. May we stop straining at the oars rowing like crazy against the wind and may we not reject Jesus walking by but all the more may we see him with awe and amazement and joy, and marvel at who he is not just what he can do.
